trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?