I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.