Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!