the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
