Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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