u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just threw up on my dentist
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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