she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
