I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
