I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
