YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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