If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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