So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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