she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
