hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bring money and cleavage
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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