Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
