hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
