worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
