I faked an abortion last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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