I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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