My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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