At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
