So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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