I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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