Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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