i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
