The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize