You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
