at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
