chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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