Swine flu is the new snow day.
only you would photoshop your dick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we should paint friendship bongs
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