I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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