I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
