So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
