This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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