The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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