No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They took my balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
