is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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