After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
