At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
