yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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