It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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