Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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