Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vodka?
Forever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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