In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
