I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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