I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
