Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize