I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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