I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
