i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
