Only a mothe r could love this liver
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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