Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
