don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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