you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
