It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
