OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
