Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
