So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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