So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
