u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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