She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
