not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
