At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
