I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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