Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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