A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
