So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
