I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
