believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
