we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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