don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
