I accidentally had phone sex last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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