Only a mothe r could love this liver
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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