why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
