just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
