so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
