ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
