well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
